Hijacked Gmail Account

My Gmail account was unexpectedly and unfortunately hijacked. As an early gmail adopter, I quickly (and rather proudly) registered my name @ gmail.com as when gmail first came out. Great! My name at a major free e-mail address provider, instead of gordon5811588ZZ9@hotmail.com ...

All was fine and dandy and the gmail account saw little use until one day I started getting odd e-mails. As the salutations often started with "Hi Gordon" or "Dear Gordon", I spent much time wondering about what sort of dyslexic or delusional state I was in when I signed up for Vancouver-area cycling clubs or Sunday worship. I also didn't recall borrowing George's powerbar, and I thought I finished my organizational behaviour assignment years ago. I finally came to the conclusion that these e-mails indeed weren't for me, but were for some imposter Gordon Chiu...

Unfortunately, the months went by and these e-mails kept on coming. Does the imposter me not notice that, uh, they never get any e-mails?

Now, I could have some fun with replying to some of those e-mails... Well, I didn't, but let's pretend I did! Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Hey Gord,

I was wondering if you have my powerbar from last week -- unfortunately I had to leave before the show was over and couldn't take it with me. If you get this email today, could you bring it tomorrow. If not, then give it to myself whenever possible?

Thanks, George

Dear George,

I took your powerbar with me after the show last week. It's rather nice, and I like it very much. I'm now using it to light up my Christmas tree. I don't think you're going to get it back.

Cheers, Gordon

Hi Gordon,

I need your order of service ASAP. I am typing up the bulletin and have to get it done for the printer deadline at noon today. Otherwise, I'll just put no songs down and use a general worship format. Cheers,

Rob

Dear Rob,

I regret to inform you that since our last conversation, I have converted my religious beliefs to that of the Church of Cheesology. Conducting worship services for other religions is forbidden by my church. To save your well-ripened Camembert from eternal damnation in the mousetrap of Satan, I recommend that you switch immediately as well. Good luck.

May your Swiss always have holes, Gordon